Good News

I'm so excited. I just received a contract for a story that will be in an anthology to be released later this fall. It is a "Sweet Romance" collection coming from Freya's Bower.com
and my story is "New Love." It is quite a bit different from the traditional romance as the characters are senior citizens -- very senior-- :-) But love knows no age.

On another note, my virtual tour is continuing. Today I am at http://lumorgan.blogspot.com/ If you are not totally sick of reading about me, come on by to see what we are talking about today.

I have been on this blog for three days this week, and it has been a great experience. LuAnn Morgan was a wonderful hostess, and I hope to see her blog grow in popularity. She loves to read and is so gracious to authors. We need to support her.

The Tour Bus is Running Again

There is another interview with me up at http://beyondthebooks.wordpress.com/

If you haven't already reached a saturation point with my blogs and interviews, stop on over and see what is new in this one. There actually is, which is one of the neat things about this tour. There is some repetition of information about One Small Victory, and some repetition in interview questions, but there is also something new in each one. I know I have enjoyed following some other authors on their tours and seeing something unique at each stop.

Virtual Book Tour

Monday morning and the virtual book tour is starting up again. Here is the stop for today:
http://rebecca2007.wordpress.com/

This is another interview, and the neat thing is that it has some questions that haven't been asked before. If you are so inclined, stop by and leave a comment.

Virtual Book Tour

Chugging right along on my tour. Today I am at http://zensanity.blogspot.com/ for an interview. When I started this tour, working with Pump up Your Book promotions, I wondered if the interviews would get redundant after a while, but the blog hosts have been wonderful about asking different questions, so there is something fresh each time. Whew! I would hate to think they were all like having a canned response. Sort of what we sometimes get with political candidates. :-)

And I just can't let this important day pass without mentioning 9/11 and sending out good thoughts to people who are still feeling the pain of loss from that day. And in a way, that touches all of us, because we all lost something that day seven years ago.

Virtual Book Tour

My virtual book tour started up again today after a weekend off. Today I am featured at
http://www.thebookmuncher.blogspot.com/

If you would like to read about a funny experience I had at a book signing, hop on over. Might be worth a chuckle or two.

And speaking of chuckles, you might want to read a funny column from one of my contributors to WinnsboroToday.com. You can find the column here: http://winnsborotoday.com/I%27m%20Just%20A%20Guy%20Columns/Column9-08-08.htm

Also, don't forget about the "Blog Train Excursion" starting today. A lucky winner will receive 16 e-books. The train leaves the station here: http://mizging.blogspot.com

Jump on Board

In addition to my virtual book tour this month, I am participating in this contest "Blog Train Excursion" - A scavenger hunt for words, and the winner will receive a virtual prize basket containing sixteen e-books, one of which is Play It Again, Sam. The contest starts Monday, Sept 8th at: http://mizging.blogspot.com

Have fun.

Virtual Book Tour

If you are interested, visit me on today's stop in my virtual book tour.

Book Excerpts from Bestselling Authors - http://bookexcerpts.wordpress.com

A Nice Surprise

Just received the following e-mail message from my daughter...

"OK, so I told my self a couple of weeks ago 'no more books until I catch up with everything else.' But I picked up OSV to read on a quick break from work... skimmed thru the prologue and first two chapters since I'd already read them. At around chapter ten I told myself to quit and then I saw chapter 13 go by.... I finally quit at 16 however reluctantly.

Shame on you for writing so well!"

What a thrill it was to get this from her. My children are all very discriminating readers and they don't give unwarranted praise. We have a long tradition of open and honest in our family, so that just added to my excitement over receiving such an endorsement for my book.

Excerpt From The Front Porch Prophet

I’m reading The Front Porch Prophet by Raymond L. Atkins to write a review for Bloggernews.net and the following passage just resonated with me. I was privy to many instances where family members had to make the difficult decision to remove life support from a loved one, and I thought this captured the moment in a particularly poignant way.

A father and son are talking about the wishes of Granmama that she not be kept on life support. The father says he knows her wishes. He just can’t say the words…..

“I’ll take care of it, John Robert,” he said. It was the last thing he wanted and the only thing to do. John Robert slowly nodded. The night passed in silence, and next morning A.J. conferred with Dr. Prine. Granmama’s condition had worsened. He gave a sigh.

“It was my grandmother’s wish, and it is my father’s wish, that we remove life-support when there is no sound medical reason for it to remain.” The words hung in the air, limp as wash on the line.

“Is this your wish as well?” His wishes probably didn’t matter, but it was considerate of Dr. Prine to inquire.

“My wish is that she hops up, and we go get in the truck and go home,” A.J. sadly replied. “But that’s not going to happen.”

And so, late in the afternoon, the ventilator was removed and the life support was shut down. The candle that was Granmama began to burn toward its nub. Not long after, Clara Longstreet, mother of John Robert and grandmother of Arthur John, matriarch of the Longstreet clan, flickered out of this world and took her place beside the clumsy young husband who had waited patiently for her all those years. What Jehovah and a hay baler had put asunder, A.J. and Dr. Prine had now rejoined.

Olympic Thrills

What an exciting week it has been for Michael Phelps as the American swimming team won the final relay race last night to clinch his record eight gold medals in one Olympics. It was a thrilling moment, and I am so impressed with those young men, as well as all the other American athletes.

Watching the swimmers all week, I kept noticing how it appeared that they were having a good time. And there were many instances of good sportsmanship as those who didn't set records or win medals congratulated those who did.

For a full list of the medal winners for the men's and women's swim teams click HERE

By the way, my granddaughter has already made plans for the marriage between her and Michael. She said she is just waiting for the Olympics to be over to tell him. She didn't want to distract him from his goal.

The Olympics - You Gotta Love It

Monday - well actually Tuesday in China - was a marvelous day for the U.S. athletes. Michael Phelps won his ninth career Olympic medal, and against all odds, the U.S. mens' gymnastic team won the bronze medal. That was wonderful, and I stayed up way too late last night watching the live competition.

What struck me the most was the character and demeanor of these Olympians. They weren't strutters or braggarts. They showed great sportsmanship throughout, and the expressions on their faces when they finished an event indicated that, while the scores mattered, what mattered most was going out there and "getting it done" as one athlete said.

This is what it is all about.

Farewell to Kenny

I just received notification that a cousin died on Friday night. Kenny was older than me, and I don't have many childhood memories of him. He may have been away at college, or in the service when I was visiting as a young child. But when I was a young adult, I have a vivid memory of him and his wife taking me and a couple of my girlfriends out to party.

He came to pick us up at my grandmother's house in a pink Cadillac. And, no, he didn't work for Mary Kay.

Kenny was considered by some to be the black sheep of the family. He tended to be wild. He liked his drinks and his cigarettes. And he didn't always take care of responsibilities.

But, Kenny was always fun and funny. He was always generous to a fault. And you could never spend time around him without feeling good. For years after that visit, my two girlfriends would talk about the good time they had with my cousin.

Two years ago, we had a family reunion and I saw Kenny for the first time in many years. I could barely see past the wrinkles and other ravages of excess and see the young man who had introduced me to moonshine so many years ago, but when he spoke, I knew it was the same man.

We talked and laughed, and then he started to sing. My father was sitting near him and he joined in. Then other folks were drawn into the music, and pretty soon we had a good sing-along going. That was a high point of the reunion for my father - and for all of us who treasure the sing-alongs that were always a part of our family gatherings.

My father, who was 89 at the time, has been having memory issues, so he didn't recognize everyone at the reunion. After we left the party, he said he didn't know who that young man was, "but boy, he sure could sing good."

I didn't have the heart to tell Daddy that was his nephew, but I did tell Kenny that he made one old man very happy that day.

Rest in peace, Kenny

A Heartfelt Story of Loss

I know I said yesterday that I was not going to be writing about grief issues for a while, but I just read this blog by a writer friend who recently lost her husband, and I thought people who have experienced the same kind of loss would benefit from reading her story. The hardest thing to do when someone we love dies, is learn how to live without them. We have to make a decision to try, and that is what Beth Anderson, known affectionately as Hotclue does. Here is the link to her blog. It is well worth the read.

http://www.bethanderson-hotclue.com/blog

Taking a New Direction

For six or seven months now, I have been focusing pretty much on grief issues here, and I may get back to that in a while. But for now, I think I will use this space to share anecdotes about my promotional efforts for my two new books.

Promoting and marketing are not areas where I consider myself an expert - or even very experienced - so I may be stumbling along here at times. But the good thing is that I am not alone. No author is alone on the Internet. There are so many places for authors to connect, promote, share marketing ideas that it boggles the mind.

It can also consume hours, and I have had to decide which places I want to stick with and which ones have to go. That has proven to be a tough call, as most of the sites and lists are filled with the nicest people.

Two lists I will stick with for sure are blogbooktours and murdermustadvertise

And I will still hang around at Wicked Company because I've been there for years and reading the posts is like going down to the corner and meeting friends at the tavern.

I haven't joined MySpace yet, but I am on Xanga , Crimespace and I've just joined Twitter

That one is all the rage right now, and I like it because you only post a short comment. That I can do more regularly than write a blog.

Anyway, I hope those of you who have been following this blog will check back now and then to see what is going on with my book promoting. It all starts this coming Saturday with the official Launch Party at the Trails Country Centre For the Arts in Winnsboro, Texas. Then Sunday I am off to Houston to be at Katy Budget Books for a signing from 3-5pm.

Until next time...

Denial Isn't Always Good

A recent “Dear Abby” column dealt with the issue of whether a father should force his teenage son to attend his mother’s funeral. The teen said he would rather remember his mother the way she was, and the father was unsure about pressing the issue. A responder said he had been forced at age 19 to attend his mother’s funeral and that the experience “did not bring closure, but additional trauma.”

I’ve mulled this over for almost two weeks, trying to find a response that might make sense and not be judgmental or disrespectful to the young men. My first reaction was total amazement that they would not want to attend their mothers’ funerals. Yes, it’s painful. Lots of emotions all over the place, but gosh, the women gave them life. That’s got to mean something.

Over time, another realization has hit. Not going to the funeral gives a person a way to avoid some of the tougher parts of the grieving process. It’s part of denial. And while denial can sometimes be a perfectly acceptable mechanism to cope with trauma, I don’t think it is the right call here.

The impulse not to go to a funeral to avoid the trauma is akin to saying, “The only feeling I had when my mother died after a long, painful illness, was relief. I couldn’t be sad because I knew she is in a better place.”

Pardon my bluntness, but that is hogwash. Sure, the dominating feeling might be relief and a bit of happiness that she is no longer suffering, but that has to be tinged with sadness. This person is gone, leaving a huge hole in our lives and it is only natural that we are sad about that. To say otherwise is denial, and if we don’t deal with those feelings they will find a way to eat away at us physically and emotionally.

My "Bucket List"

It’s been said that the people with the fewest regrets in life are the ones who are most able to let go of that life when the time comes. I certainly found that true in my years of working with terminal patients in the hospital and in hospice, so I have been making a concentrated effort to eliminate regret from my life. Not that I am facing imminent death – at least not that I know of – but in preparation of the inevitable. After all, time does not march backwards.

In the spirit of the movie, “The Bucket List,” I have started checking off things that I always wanted to do. As I wrote in an earlier blog on this subject, my list started with having my small farm and playing farmer as long as I can. I'm still doing that, and this weekend I checked another item off my list.

I’ve always wanted to go on a trail ride, and even though I have owned horses on and off in my lifetime, I have never been able to go on a trail ride for one reason or another. So I told my kids and my husband that is what I wanted to do for my 65th birthday. Last Friday – yes, I’m “Yankee Doodle Dandy” – six of us went to a nearby dude ranch and spent the morning riding through 800 acres of beautiful East Texas pines and meadows.

I’m not going to idealize the experience. While it was wonderful to be in the saddle, riding a very pretty appaloosa gelding who had the nicest slow trot, it was hot and dusty and sweaty, and three days later I still have muscles screaming at me for riding so long. (Some of these are muscles I never even knew I had.) But it was fun and especially meaningful because I shared it with some of my kids and their spouses who all make me feel incredibly loved. Going horseback riding is probably not high on their Bucket Lists – if it is even on them at all – and they all did it for me.

And as an added bonus, I got to check off another item on my list. At one point we were riding a trail with the trees on one side and the open meadow on the other. One of my daughters said, “Mom, you should take a run across that meadow.” So I did, and I was so thankful that she remembered the time we were driving past a beautiful hay meadow with gently rolling hills and I said, “Every time I pass a meadow like this I think of how much fun it would be to gallop a horse across it.”

Thank goodness young people have better memories than some older people.

Pre-Planning, Part II

There is something very special about funerals and memorial for people who helped plan those services. I have attended a number of those for friends, and it brought an added depth to the ceremonies to know the deceased had picked scripture readings and music and asked certain people to speak. It was like the person was with us spiritually that day.

The thought of pre-planning a funeral scares the bejeebers out of a lot of people. They think that if they actually put the plans on paper they are somehow alerting death and he will pounce. That is especially true with people who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness. But planning a funeral service will not hasten death. It merely gives a person some small measure of control in a situation where they have so little control.

We can’t control what illnesses we might get. Well, okay, we can do some things to stay healthy. But even so, cancer, heart attacks, strokes, and other terminal illnesses strike almost randomly at times. So the only control we have when we are looking at the stark reality of death is what happens afterward. We can decide if we want to be cremated or not. If so, where do we want our ashes to end up? Where do we want to be buried? What kind of service do we want?

Memorial services that celebrate a person’s life have become very popular and appeal to a lot of people who are making these decisions. “I want people to remember me as having a good time and enjoying life,” one patient said. “And I want a party afterward.”

Some patients have told me that being able to make these decisions and plan for the “afterward” has made their last few weeks or days much more bearable. And family and friends attending services planned by the deceased have shared that knowing that is what made the service more meaningful.

Until next time

Planning For Death - Part One

It is amazing the different ways that people respond to the dreaded words, “You have a terminal illness.” Some panic and get hysterical. (I might just do that.) Others withdraw into a dark depression. Other’s wage an intricate war with battle plans that rival any major military action.

Sometimes they continue that battle long past the time when winning is even a hope. Is that better than giving in to the inevitable? I don’t know. I try always not to judge someone’s coping mechanism, and sometimes pretending is the only way to cope.

On the other hand, there is something to be said for accepting the inevitable. It affords time to take care of the business of one’s life ending. I can’t tell you how many widows in my support groups were struggling with the anger they felt at their husbands who did not put things in order so the wife could carry on with financial and other matters. And that is still a significant issue with couples where one or the other handles banking, investments, and household business. It would be so much easier for the person left behind if he or she were thoroughly briefed before their spouse died.

Openly acknowledging the inevitability of death also affords time to take care of issues or problems in relationships. Nothing is harder on the patient or the family than to go through this kind of crisis with huge problems hanging over them. Old hurts can be forgiven. Words that should have been spoken can still be said. And healing can take place.

Not all families have those kinds of issues, so for them, the time left with a loved one can be used to start the grieving process and mark each moment in some special way. One family had visitors write messages in a book that were then read over and over to the dying person, then given to the next of kin after the funeral. For other families, the time of waiting was used just to treasure the person for one more day, one more minute.

And sometimes the going is easier for people who have had this kind of acceptance personally and from their family.

More about pre-planning next time.

Who's An Angel?

At church the other day a man came up to our choir area after Mass and said to me, “You sing like an angel.”

That reminded me of another man who called me his angel. I first met “Bob” when his wife was in the hospital, just diagnosed with cancer, and he was terrified. In her room, he kept a running patter of positive comments and encouraging words, but later he came down to the Pastoral Services office and shared his deepest fears. I was humbled that he trusted me enough to be that open.

Bob and “Sherrry” weren’t strong religious people – I seemed to attract a lot of those kinds in my work, which was interesting. But they were deeply spiritual and very open to prayer. They just didn’t always do that in a church.

Over a period of several months, Sherry was in and out of the hospital for treatments and setbacks, but then they finally got the word that she was in remission. I was delighted. As much as I enjoyed ministering to and with them, I always hated it when patients came back.

Then one day I got a call in the office from a room upstairs. It was Bob. He had heard me say the Morning Prayer – I worked in a Lutheran Hospital where prayer was an important part of the treatment program. Bob said, “I heard that prayer and recognized the voice of our angel.”

I asked if Sherry was back in, but he said no. This time he was the patient, but it was nothing serious.

Over the next year, they would come by the Pastoral Services office when they were in for routine checkups, and when I resigned to move back to Texas, they came to my going-away party. I still have the plaque they gave me that says, “You are an Angel.” It is hanging here on my office wall and reminds me daily of the blessing they were in my life.

I do believe in angels, but I’m not so sure who was the angel here.

Another Perspective on Grief

I received this e-mail from my cousin after she read some of my entries about grief. I liked what she had to say, so I thought it worth sharing:

I know I have never seen the spirit lift from a body, as you described in your blog, but I am certain it happens, and that there are those who are aware of it. Dying is a road we all must travel, and like you, I feel certain that most of us are apprehensive, to say the very least. I guess my father always tried to put things into perspective for me, as he would often say, "There are worse things than death."

I remember questioning that type of philosophy....what could possibly be worse than dying, of not existing anymore? When he explained his thinking, he told me that death is a release that we need when we are too sick to ever get well again. That relief and release will be welcomed at that point. I will never forget that conversation he and I had, even though it took me a few years, to see exactly what he meant.

Then there was the quote from THANATOPSIS, A VIEW OF DEATH, by William Cullen Bryan that we had to memorize in high school that tells us, "So live, that when thy summons comes to join that innumerable caravan which moves to that mysterious realm, where each shall take his chamber in the silent halls of death, thou go not like a quarry slave at night, scourged to his dungeon, but sustained and soothed by an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave like one who wraps the draperies of his couch about him and lies down to pleasant dreams."

One of my friends from high school is facing "sudden death" from a heart problem that has taken away her ability to oxygenate her body. She is on oxygen 24/7 now after fighting it for several years. She is an RN, and a good one, so she knows too well what is happening. Because I think the world of this woman, who is a beautiful person inside and out, I wanted to do something to offer her some support, so one day I printed a copy of THANATOPSIS from my computer and mailed it to her. I also told her about some good books that covered death and near-death experiences of some ordinary people. She appreciated my trying to alleviate some of
her anxieties.

Donna Woodburn